she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
