I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
