Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Randomize
