just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
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