i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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