Will you blow on my dice?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
