you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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