Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
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