If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
