She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
There r osticjed everywhere
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
