Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
