dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
