Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize