My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
