the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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