when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
