Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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