I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
