Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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