If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
