So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
