He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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