Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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