Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
