i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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