I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
