So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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