New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.