im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
19 Utterly Perfect Responses To ‘Send Nudes’ Texts
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.