I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB