I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid