all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
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I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
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Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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