I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.