nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
NoShamevember. You game?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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