Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
