laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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