you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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