I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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