I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
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I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
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THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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