I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
