Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
