don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Randomize
