are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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