you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
