he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
