Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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