thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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