Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
