Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
