I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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