Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
