people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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