love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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