i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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