Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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