HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
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my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
soo... how was my night?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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