corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
