I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
