He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Farmville is her only friend.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Randomize
