in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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