Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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