I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
There's a naked man in my car right now.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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