you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
