So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize