drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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