Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
