Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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