splinters make it hard to masturbate
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
