I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
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Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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