Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
