dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
